I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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