you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
