mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
