I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
