So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
