We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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