my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you had me at cake vodka
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
