I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
