Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
