I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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