Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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