All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
