The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
