who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
