His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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