The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
