i permit you to call me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
