this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
