I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Text me some of your sweat
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
