I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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