it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
