i think my mom watched the whole time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
