He asked to "fluff my boner.."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
