Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
