My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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