YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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