Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
