I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
