feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
