jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
