everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
