There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
