I wish I could punch you in the face.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
