brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
