Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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