remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
