I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
