Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
