In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
