Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
