I am midnight drunk by noon
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
