just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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