Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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