The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
