Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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