My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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