Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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