This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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