Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
