You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
