All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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