I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
