Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
